The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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