Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
