Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
