a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
