you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
