i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
