he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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