i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
