You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
