Plan B is the new Plan A
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
