Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
please come you make the beer taste better
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Gay?
German.
Pity.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
