Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
