can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I accidentally had phone sex last night
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
