All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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