this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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