I should be sponsored by Trojan
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
