we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
