Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
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It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
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alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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