i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
