I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
