Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I need help removing her.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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