ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize