I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
