i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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