I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
