I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
