I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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