I seem to have left my pride at pride
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
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