You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
