Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
