I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
