While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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