go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
