Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
