I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
