onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
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