Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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