Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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