So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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