i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
