Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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