She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
