escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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