Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
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