I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
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