i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
