I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
porn star boner night. come get it.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
