can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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