Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
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that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
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So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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