does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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