How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
