we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
