the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
