I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
