Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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