I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
it hurts more in the daytime
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
