Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
