vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I supernannyed him into submission
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
