how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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