kristin has been a bad kristin
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
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