Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Randomize
