I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
