i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
