so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
