also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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