I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
