My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
