how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
