Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
