How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize