honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
