Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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