Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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