i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Randomize
