You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
